"TGIF, right?" -- I work tomorrow. But if that means I won't have to see you again until Monday, then f*ck yeah!
Macchiatto and Cypress Hill. Because I'm a f*cking gangster and stuff.
"I'll have my mocha" -- it's not yours yet, and unless you're wearing a crown, that's a completely inappropriate way to order.
My rent is gonna be a few days late but I found this sweet pamphlet in the tip jar about how to find Jesus, so like, whatevz.
Dirty chai is the menthol cigarette of coffee.
I'm smiling, aren't I? I think that's enough of a Halloween costume.
When I ask "for here or to go?" I'm only curious what kind of cup you want... Not what your plans for the day are.
Good coffee is never bitter. But a good barista always is.
If you're old enough to buy coffee then you're old enough to hear the word "f*ck" in a song without it ruining your entire day.
Sorry, lady. You're gonna have to speak up, because I'm not turning Stevie down just so I can take your goddamn latte order.
"The coffee shop that used to be here had chocolate whip cream" -- Oh yeah? How'd that work out for them?
Sir, if you insist on eating that bagel with a knife and fork, then I'll have to ask you to leave.
The pizza-bagel's identity crisis is too much for me to handle this early in the morning.
The croissant was too flaky? I don't even know where we go from here...
Espresso comes in pairs. Order 1, get 2. Order 3, get 4. Order 5, get the f*ck outta here.
I had always hoped to have a job where people treat me like a vending machine.
I'll turn down the music when you ladies turn down your goddamned knitting circle.
I'm not gonna count the number of ice cubes in your drink, so it would appear we've arrived at a stalemate.
Sometimes we run out of things, so it's probably best not to base the success of your day around scone availability.
You really start to question your life choices when every shower you take smells like you're brewing coffee.