Tips this morning have been wack. I'm choosing to blame the selfish nature of mankind, and not my absolutely horrible attitude.
I just wrote the sentence, "I've been a barista for 10 years," but I had to delete it because it read too much like a suicide note.
No ma'am, we do not serve soy eggnog. We don't serve unicorn milk either.
My boss is gonna stumble on my twitter feed sooner or later. That's gonna be awkward.
I'll turn down the music when you ladies turn down your goddamned knitting circle.
I've collected some data, and one thing is certain: You don't become rich enough to afford a mercedes by tipping your barista
Oh, you want THAT blueberry scone, not THIS blueberry scone? Well, don't worry, that doesn't make me hate you at all.
I'd never insult your kid's intelligence, but you brought a whole bag of cheerios, and that little idiot was only able to get two in his mouth.
"Can you break a hundred dollar bill?" is code for, "don't expect a tip."
Sir, you seem to have a little piece of douchebag on the side of your face...Wait, no, that's just a bluetooth.
If you're wearing neon plastic sunglasses in the pouring rain, and you're not blind, I hope you walk into traffic.
Sorry, lady. You're gonna have to speak up, because I'm not turning Stevie down just so I can take your goddamn latte order.
Pro-tip: if you tip your barista in weed, you'll never pay for coffee again.
Peppermint-eggnog-latte? I don't know that I can, in good conscience, make that for someone to consume.
Can't find a seat at the cafe? Stand in the middle of the room and loudly announce, "there is a black prius outside and it's being towed". You're welcome.
See that bin over there labeled, "clean spoons"? Just go ahead and toss any ol' thing in there.
Do you really think that the person who decides the prices is the same person who is here at 6 am listening to you complain?
Yes, I have thought about carrying hemp milk. I've also thought about kicking a hippie in the shins. I'm definitely open to new ideas.
"I need a table for 4" -- this is a coffee shop, not an applebees. Seat yourself.
Yes, it is Monday. Yes, it is difficult to wake up some times. Holy sh*t, we're actually having this conversation.