I have a strange relationship with customers. I resent them, but I appreciate that they maintain the illusion that my life has some purpose.

Someone just asked if we offer a "nice guy" discount. I told him that we do offer a "nice guy" discount and then I charged him full price.

If you only read one article about the Bitter Barista saga, it should be this one.

We live in a world where a grown man can piss all over the toilet seat and my $9/hour job prevents me from saying anything about it to him.

"At the staff meeting tonight we'll be going over the new rules, which are mandatory for all employees except for the ones we like."

If you're wearing neon plastic sunglasses in the pouring rain, and you're not blind, I hope you walk into traffic.

Extra hot, no foam? And paying in change? You're off the team, buddy.

"You're out of sugar..." -- No, you're out of sugar.

If you walk into a cafe, take out your guitar and start playing it loudly. You are a crazy person. And everyone dislikes you.

If you've ever ordered an americano with steamed soy milk, you're pretty much on par with Hitler in my book.#muglife

"You're out of stir-sticks and I don't want to use a spoon..."

I'm not saying 4 macchiatos is too much... I'm just saying I can't feel my face.

Your wife tips me $5 to secretly give you decaf.

It's probably just faster if I whisper the order to my girlfriend instead of telling the guy at the cash register, right?

"I'll have my mocha" -- it's not yours yet, and unless you're wearing a crown, that's a completely inappropriate way to order.

Optimistic baristas are not to be trusted; good coffee requires just the right amount of broken dreams and loneliness.