Quad-latte 4 minutes before I close? Go f*ck yourself, homie.
"Make sure that shot is ristretto. I hate bitter espresso, it ruins my day." — You have a lot of complaints about a drink I haven't made yet
Tips this morning have been wack. I'm choosing to blame the selfish nature of mankind, and not my absolutely horrible attitude.
There is no such thing as free wifi.
If you rearrange the furniture, just put it back when you leave so I don't have to spend the rest of my shift putting a curse on your family
"I don't want the broken cookie," she said. So I looked her right in the eye, smiled, and broke every cookie one by one.
There's nowhere to sit?! Well, I can kick someone out, whittle you a new chair, or you can grow the f*ck up. Whichever.
The coffee of the day is an Ethiopian dark roast blended with broken dreams and despair.
I'm so glad you knitted that sweater for your dog. Now there are two of us who resent being here right now.
If you order your coffee using baby-talk....even if you're "so sweeeeeepy"... I will hate you and tell you to leave.
Optimistic baristas are not to be trusted; good coffee requires just the right amount of broken dreams and loneliness.
You know you're a cocky barista when you get offended if people put sugar in the coffee you just made.
It's Saturday! Crumble your pastries on the cafe floor and don't look at the menu 'til you're at the front of the line!
Don't say "keep the change". For any amount, really.
Remember that one time you went through my tip jar to find change to pay for your latte? That was awkward. Sorry about your face.
"I meant to ask for this to be iced." -- Well, i meant to go to grad school and do something fulfilling with my life. So...Oops, i guess?
It's almost like you waited in that long line just to show me pictures of your kids. Oh, wait, there's video too? Yay.
Espresso comes in pairs. Order 1, get 2. Order 3, get 4. Order 5, get the f*ck outta here.
Spoiler alert: I don't care
I had to teach a lady how to use a toaster today. So, there's that.