I asked him what size he wanted, and he replied that he wasn't in the mood to answer questions. There's no joke here, that just happened.

You came here to offer career advice? At 2 pm? On a Wednesday?

Whatever drink you order will be announced loudly to a cafe full of people, probably multiple times. Choose wisely.

Have you looked at the bottom of that mug you brought in from your car? What do you want me to rinse it with? A flamethrower?

People that flip over the credit card receipt after writing the tip... Am I supposed to guess how much? This game sounds disappointing.

To the guy sitting alone in the cafe, laughing at his phone and looking around...you can cut that out, no one wants to know what's so funny.

I'll make a mocha for your 7-year old if you insist, but the kid can't hang out here after he drinks it.

The cafe is kid-friendly, meaning that we won't strangle or throw things at them. It doesn't mean you get to stop being a parent.

A couple years back, my boss bought a cell-phone jammer on the internet. We used to keep it under the counter. That was a fun summer.