What a coincidence! You have a gluten allergy, and I don't care that you have a gluten allergy!
If your name is not Jill, and you did not order a large vanilla latte, then this large vanilla latte for Jill is not yours.
The wifi password is "espresso." If you can't spell that, or find the correct spelling somewhere in the store, you aren't allowed online.
It's almost like you waited in that long line just to show me pictures of your kids. Oh, wait, there's video too? Yay.
It's 9 am and we just ran out of vanilla, so I'm preparing for a full day of white-lady-rage.
"This is ridiculous. Can you hurry up with those lattes? We're late to church." -People who don't pay attention in church
You know you're a cocky barista when you get offended if people put sugar in the coffee you just made.
Quad-latte 4 minutes before I close? Go f*ck yourself, homie.
"How big is an 8 oz cup?" -- and then my brain started leaking out of my ear.
If you rearrange the furniture, just put it back when you leave so I don't have to spend the rest of my shift putting a curse on your family
It's called a scone. A sconce, on the other hand, is a wall-mounted light fixture.
My next coffee table book will be a collection of the various ways old white men pronounce "cafe au lait".
When I ask "for here or to go?" I'm only curious what kind of cup you want... Not what your plans for the day are.
Is this a Discover Card? What the f*ck am I supposed to do with this?
Can't find a seat at the cafe? Stand in the middle of the room and loudly announce, "there is a black prius outside and it's being towed". You're welcome.
We don't have flavored creamer because this isn't a waiting room at JiffyLube.
"TGIF, right?" -- I work tomorrow. But if that means I won't have to see you again until Monday, then f*ck yeah!
I went to work on Halloween dressed as someone with no self respect.
We have a bathroom key to keep you from ruining my day.
It's 5:30 in the morning. What exactly did you expect out of this interaction?