The worst part about my boss not having the courage to fire me himself: I didn't get to yell, "No, YOU'RE fired!"
Tips this morning have been wack. I'm choosing to blame the selfish nature of mankind, and not my absolutely horrible attitude.
"What do you think, Cindy? Should I be naughty and get eggnog? Oh, screw it, I went to yoga this week!"
This guy walks into the cafe from across the street... "Can you reset your router? I think the wifi is down."
You didn't tip? And then the wi-fi cut out? Huh, weird.
Here's my phone number… that way you can actually be talking to me when you're on your phone while ordering.
No, ma'am, I will not put 4 splenda in your 20 oz breve mocha, because that is f*cking stupid.
Awesome! I have a customer that drives by every morning and then drives away when he sees I'm working. I think that means I win.
Optimistic baristas are not to be trusted; good coffee requires just the right amount of broken dreams and loneliness.
It's 8 am on MLK Day and this customer wants to talk about how our President "isn't very black"? What the f*ck is going on?
I can't tell if you're a natural-born jackass, or if you're just trying to make it onto the website...
It's Saturday! Crumble your pastries on the cafe floor and don't look at the menu 'til you're at the front of the line!
Don't even be coming into my cafe talkin bout "I'm sick". Stay your dumb ass at home, or get kicked in the tooth.
Don't let this espresso machine fool you... I have no interest in talking about coffee, your trip to Ethiopia, or roasting techniques.
It's 6 am and you're waiting outside of a coffee shop that isn't even open yet?
I asked if you wanted Hershey's or Mexican chocolate in your mocha and you said "regular", so you're at least a little bit racist.
It was right around the time that you asked if flour contained gluten, that I realized you don't have a gluten allergy.
"Dude, lemme get a blended mocha latte coffee" -- "Dude, no."
"I'll have my mocha" -- it's not yours yet, and unless you're wearing a crown, that's a completely inappropriate way to order.
What my boss doesn't understand is that, while my attitude makes for some terrible customer service, it makes for some great internet.