"You guys make the BEST tea here!"
Please pour your coffee into the trash can so it can ruin my day later.
To the lady who phones a friend to find out her coffee order…are you sure you want to use one of your life-lines on this?
The next time you order extra-hot-no-foam, I'm putting that sh*t in the microwave.
I was going to enter a barista competition but there were no awards for "best fake smile" or "smallest talker".
I thought about telling the customer that she had cream cheese all over her face when she left... But she'll figure it out
This guy walks into the cafe from across the street... "Can you reset your router? I think the wifi is down."
Don't let this espresso machine fool you... I have no interest in talking about coffee, your trip to Ethiopia, or roasting techniques.
"Lemme get a tall americano in a grande cup with no room." -- Is this a riddle or one of those mental zen exercises? Either way, notsomuch.
If you bring in your own coffee and use our creamer, don't try to hide it. It's actually more insulting that you'd think I'd care.
My boss decided to buy a blender for the cafe, so I decided to not work there anymore.
I'd never insult your kid's intelligence, but you brought a whole bag of cheerios, and that little idiot was only able to get two in his mouth.
Remember that one time you went through my tip jar to find change to pay for your latte? That was awkward. Sorry about your face.
There's nowhere to sit?! Well, I can kick someone out, whittle you a new chair, or you can grow the f*ck up. Whichever.
F*ck you I won't do whatcha tell me!
...Unless you pay me $10, in which case I'll apparently do what you tell me for like an hour.
I didn't mean to offend you, but you said "expresso", so I figured we were just kinda saying whatever the f*ck we wanted.
It's soy milk. It tastes like soy milk, looks like soy milk and comes in a box labeled 'soy milk'. That's all the information I have.
You're right. I'm sick and I should stay home. Here's my boss's phone number. I'll let you tell him.
Nothing makes me lose faith in humanity like wet napkins in the bus tub.
"TGIF, right?" -- I work tomorrow. But if that means I won't have to see you again until Monday, then f*ck yeah!