"Decaf latte in the window... Decaf latte in the window... Decaf latte in the window... Free decaf latte in the window."
You didn't tip? And then the wi-fi cut out? Huh, weird.
I had to teach a lady how to use a toaster today. So, there's that.
I'm smiling, aren't I? I think that's enough of a Halloween costume.
Wait, you're gonna pay me minimum wage, AND I get 30% off the food I make for myself? Holy f*ck, where do I sign up?!
"I'm sorry to be picky but..." -- Lemme just stop you right there. No, you are not.
We don't have flavored creamer because this isn't a waiting room at JiffyLube.
If you write a zero on a credit card tip, don't draw a line through it. We get it already.
I'm not gonna count the number of ice cubes in your drink, so it would appear we've arrived at a stalemate.
That's not a macchiato and you should kill yourself.
Peppermint-eggnog-latte? I don't know that I can, in good conscience, make that for someone to consume.
Oh, you want THAT blueberry scone, not THIS blueberry scone? Well, don't worry, that doesn't make me hate you at all.
Is this a Discover Card? What the f*ck am I supposed to do with this?
No, ma'am, I will not put 4 splenda in your 20 oz breve mocha, because that is f*cking stupid.
Sir, if you insist on eating that bagel with a knife and fork, then I'll have to ask you to leave.
Don't even be coming into my cafe talkin bout "I'm sick". Stay your dumb ass at home, or get kicked in the tooth.
The words "just" and "blended hazelnut soy latte with carmel sauce and whipped cream" may never be appropriately used in the same sentence.
I am 100% sure that isn't a service dog because you are carrying it in your purse.
Soy milk containers: carefully engineered to ensure that no more than half the milk ends up in the pitcher. Brilliant.
"Do you really expect people to buy a plastic lid for $.05?" -- Well, I expect them to buy coffee but you don't seem to be doing that so I've adjusted my expectations.