This is an espresso machine, not a cash register. Get back in line.
Here's my phone number… that way you can actually be talking to me when you're on your phone while ordering.
A lady just bought a bagel for her dog. When I handed it to her, she frowned and asked where the cream cheese was.
Don't cry over spilled milk? I'm not crying about the milk! Do you see where I work?!
A guy on a first date just ordered a large steamed milk and I can't figure out a discreet way to warn her that he's probably a serial killer.
Whether or not you biked here is inconsequential. Those capri pants look ridiculous.
"I don't want the broken cookie," she said. So I looked her right in the eye, smiled, and broke every cookie one by one.
I was going to enter a barista competition but there were no awards for "best fake smile" or "smallest talker".
When the homie comes in for coffee 3 minutes before you close and you're like nah it's cool but really you're not friends anymore.
"Lemme get a tall americano in a grande cup with no room." -- Is this a riddle or one of those mental zen exercises? Either way, notsomuch.
Your happiness and self-confidence are infuriating.
There is no reason, joke or not, that you should touch my tip jar... Unless your doctor prescribed you a foot to the face.
He ordered "an upside down caramel macchiato", so I don't know why he was so upset when I poured it on the floor while handing it to him
I've collected some data, and one thing is certain: You don't become rich enough to afford a mercedes by tipping your barista
"At the staff meeting tonight we'll be going over the new rules, which are mandatory for all employees except for the ones we like."
Quad-latte 4 minutes before I close? Go f*ck yourself, homie.
Anyone that can't put sugar in their own coffee should be publicly euthanized.
People that are actually late to work don't have the time to stop and tell me all about it.
The cafe is kid-friendly, meaning that we won't strangle or throw things at them. It doesn't mean you get to stop being a parent.
We have a guitar in the cafe. It helps us determine who is a sociopath and who isn't.