all content copyright bitterbarista 2013
"This better not be instant-coffee. Did you get this out of a bag and just add water?" -- Yes. You've just described all coffee.
If you rearrange the furniture, just put it back when you leave so I don't have to spend the rest of my shift putting a curse on your family
We live in a world where a grown man can piss all over the toilet seat and my $9/hour job prevents me from saying anything about it to him.
"Make sure that shot is ristretto. I hate bitter espresso, it ruins my day." — You have a lot of complaints about a drink I haven't made yet
It's a good thing everyone else in the cafe wants to hear that youtube video you're watching, otherwise you'd look like a total sociopath.
I get so excited when I see you outside of work because I don't have to ignore the fact that you usually don't treat me like a human being.
"At the staff meeting tonight we'll be going over the new rules, which are mandatory for all employees except for the ones we like."
I love my coworkers. We support each other and there isn't anything– WHO THE F*CK LEFT CRUMBS IN THE DISH WATER? WHY ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?
"One of these days you'll remember my drink..." -- Pop quiz: what's my name?
"I don't feel like you're really listening to my complaint" -- I thought I was making that pretty clear.
If I'm only getting paid minimum wage to be your therapist, then I don't plan on giving you very good advice.
"I didn't want this iced. And my name is John, not Susan."