I'm not saying that I hope Anne Coulter gets hit by a bus... I'm just saying, if it happens, drinks are on me.
So, you're telling me the only two options you can think of are to dump your full coffee mug into the trash, or upside down in the bus tub?
if a decade in the service industry has taught me anything, it's that i don't want to do this anymore.
A new girl started at work and now everything is so clean and organized. I give it two weeks til she's just as messed up as the rest of us.
I dunno why people try to beat me at the bad-mood game. Don't they know I do this for a living?
My sense of humor is tip-based.
"I'll be on the patio." -- Well, your panini will be on the counter.
See that bin over there labeled, "clean spoons"? Just go ahead and toss any ol' thing in there.
The next time you order extra-hot-no-foam, I'm putting that sh*t in the microwave.
"Make sure that shot is ristretto. I hate bitter espresso, it ruins my day." — You have a lot of complaints about a drink I haven't made yet
It's almost like you waited in that long line just to show me pictures of your kids. Oh, wait, there's video too? Yay.
If you use a french accent to order a croissant, I'm going to insist that you finish out the rest of the order that way.
One of my favorite ways to pass the time is convincing old ladies that their latte made with half-and-half is actually pronounced, "breev".
It's probably just faster if I whisper the order to my girlfriend instead of telling the guy at the cash register, right?
That's not a macchiato and you should kill yourself.
A couple years back, my boss bought a cell-phone jammer on the internet. We used to keep it under the counter. That was a fun summer.
"I need a table for 4" -- this is a coffee shop, not an applebees. Seat yourself.
If your name is not Jill, and you did not order a large vanilla latte, then this large vanilla latte for Jill is not yours.
"I'm sorry, I'm going to be one of those terrible customers..." -- Or you could just, like, not do that.
How about you give me some money first, and then we'll worry about your goddamned punch card.