all content copyright bitterbarista 2013
Unless you showed up to the cafe in a horse-drawn carriage or a time machine, you can't pay for your coffee with a check.
When the homie comes in for coffee 3 minutes before you close and you're like nah it's cool but really you're not friends anymore.
"I want that latte extra, extra hot. Much hotter than last time." -- *steams milk until it is fire*
I asked if you wanted Hershey's or Mexican chocolate in your mocha and you said "regular", so you're at least a little bit racist.
"This better not be instant-coffee. Did you get this out of a bag and just add water?" -- Yes. You've just described all coffee.
If you rearrange the furniture, just put it back when you leave so I don't have to spend the rest of my shift putting a curse on your family
We live in a world where a grown man can piss all over the toilet seat and my $9/hour job prevents me from saying anything about it to him.
"Make sure that shot is ristretto. I hate bitter espresso, it ruins my day." — You have a lot of complaints about a drink I haven't made yet
It's a good thing everyone else in the cafe wants to hear that youtube video you're watching, otherwise you'd look like a total sociopath.
I get so excited when I see you outside of work because I don't have to ignore the fact that you usually don't treat me like a human being.
"At the staff meeting tonight we'll be going over the new rules, which are mandatory for all employees except for the ones we like."
I love my coworkers. We support each other and there isn't anything– WHO THE F*CK LEFT CRUMBS IN THE DISH WATER? WHY ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?