Old people love receipts.
You can say "2% milk" all damn day. You're getting whole milk.
Good coffee is never bitter. But a good barista always is.
"I'm so bad ..." It's just whipped cream, not genocide.
One of my favorite ways to pass the time is convincing old ladies that their latte made with half-and-half is actually pronounced, "breev".
If you bring in your own coffee and use our creamer, don't try to hide it. It's actually more insulting that you'd think I'd care.
If you've ever said "it's for here, but I'd like it in a paper cup", then you and I will probably not ever be friends.
If you've ever ordered an americano with steamed soy milk, you're pretty much on par with Hitler in my book.#muglife
Customer: I HAVE OPINIONS TO SHARE WITH YOU
Me: *turns on coffee grinder*
Instead of being mad at me for charging full price, you should thank my co-worker for giving you a deal on your 3 shot soy vanilla latte.
That awkward moment when you bang the milk pitcher on the counter and it splashes up and into your eye. #moneyshot
My ex-boss thinks the website is gonna stop because I don't work there anymore. Man, I didn't even work there when I worked there!
Lady, you're drinking coffee through a straw. I hardly think you're in the position to lecture me on lifestyle choices.
I spend half my day apologizing for things I didn't do wrong.
You're right. I'm sick and I should stay home. Here's my boss's phone number. I'll let you tell him.
Sorry, lady. You're gonna have to speak up, because I'm not turning Stevie down just so I can take your goddamn latte order.
To the guy sitting alone in the cafe, laughing at his phone and looking around...you can cut that out, no one wants to know what's so funny.
Tips this morning have been wack. I'm choosing to blame the selfish nature of mankind, and not my absolutely horrible attitude.
Anyone that can't put sugar in their own coffee should be publicly euthanized.
My sense of humor is tip-based.