It's 2013. If you're impressed that we have free wi-fi, you're gonna absolutely love our indoor plumbing.
Customer asked me to stop texting while making his coffee... "I'm not texting, i'm tweeting... About you."
"You're out of stir-sticks and I don't want to use a spoon..."
When the homie comes in for coffee 3 minutes before you close and you're like nah it's cool but really you're not friends anymore.
This guy walks into the cafe from across the street... "Can you reset your router? I think the wifi is down."
Instead of being mad at me for charging full price, you should thank my co-worker for giving you a deal on your 3 shot soy vanilla latte.
This guy at the cafe just started quoting verses from the bible....I panicked and started quoting verses from 36 Chambers.
To the guy sitting alone in the cafe, laughing at his phone and looking around...you can cut that out, no one wants to know what's so funny.
"Can you put this in a ceramic cup, I don't like to waste paper"
If I'm only getting paid minimum wage to be your therapist, then I don't plan on giving you very good advice.
Have you looked at the bottom of that mug you brought in from your car? What do you want me to rinse it with? A flamethrower?
"I wanted the ice cubes on the bottom of my drink, not the top" -- Sorry about that. I'll inform physics.
"This better not be instant-coffee. Did you get this out of a bag and just add water?" -- Yes. You've just described all coffee.
I'd never insult your kid's intelligence, but you brought a whole bag of cheerios, and that little idiot was only able to get two in his mouth.
If you write a zero on a credit card tip, don't draw a line through it. We get it already.
My rent is gonna be a few days late but I found this sweet pamphlet in the tip jar about how to find Jesus, so like, whatevz.
Can't find a seat at the cafe? Stand in the middle of the room and loudly announce, "there is a black prius outside and it's being towed". You're welcome.
Sometimes you're reasonable. And other times, you're a 42 year old woman yelling at me because I'm out of whipped cream for your mocha.
This guy just got mad because we don't have a yellow-pages. We also don't have an abacus or a sun-dial.
"Don't spend it all in one place" is one of those classic jokes that never gets old. It still makes me want to cry every time.