My boss watches the cameras at the cafe. But he'd save time if he just followed my twitter to see that I'm not working.
Remember that time you asked me to change the music, and then you suggested Fleetwood Mac and now you're not allowed in here anymore?
if a decade in the service industry has taught me anything, it's that i don't want to do this anymore.
If I owned a bazooka, I would have used it this morning to turn off my alarm clock.
The sixth refill isn't free.
"are you sure this is 1%? It tastes like 2%" was the last thing she said before I started throwing stuff at her face.
"The coffee shop that used to be here had chocolate whip cream" -- Oh yeah? How'd that work out for them?
If you order 3 americanos and watch me make them, then the words "oh, I wanted those iced" become inconsequential.
My boss won't let me put a giant neon arrow over the tip jar. He says it'd be tacky. But you should just imagine it's there anyways.
I think it's f*cked up that no one else is impressed that i'm here right now.
"thank you, have a nice day" is retail-speak for, "I hate you, I hope you die in a fire".
I put that in a to-go cup because I want you to leave.
Tips. As in, money. Not career advice.
We charge double for any drink named after a candy bar. Just consider it a tax on awful people.
Don't say "keep the change". For any amount, really.
Sorry you had to wait so long for your coffee, ma'am. But you were wearing a doily, so i figured you'd given up on life.
Optimistic baristas are not to be trusted; good coffee requires just the right amount of broken dreams and loneliness.
"I'm sorry to be picky but..." -- Lemme just stop you right there. No, you are not.
"This latte is beautiful, how did you get so good at this?" - Give up on life, become desperate for rent money, then wait five years.
The americanos are different prices because my boss is a d*ck.