"I know this isn't a Starbucks, but..." -- Oh boy, here we go.
Yeah, that kilt is super hip.
You're right. I'm sick and I should stay home. Here's my boss's phone number. I'll let you tell him.
Sir, if you insist on eating that bagel with a knife and fork, then I'll have to ask you to leave.
Your happiness and self-confidence are infuriating.
"I'm so bad ..." It's just whipped cream, not genocide.
Don't let this espresso machine fool you... I have no interest in talking about coffee, your trip to Ethiopia, or roasting techniques.
I want the cafe customers to feel welcome... And just slightly afraid.
One of my favorite ways to pass the time is convincing old ladies that their latte made with half-and-half is actually pronounced, "breev".
Old people love receipts.
I asked her why she needed a drink carrier if she only had one drink. "Because I have to carry it someplace."
I get so excited when I see you outside of work because I don't have to ignore the fact that you usually don't treat me like a human being.
The worst part about my boss not having the courage to fire me himself: I didn't get to yell, "No, YOU'RE fired!"
My boss is all like, "don't you have something you could be doing?"... And I'm all like, "umm, twitter?"
This guy gets refills and extra cream cheese for free, just so I don't have to hear him complain about the prices again.
The everything-bagel makes a promise that it can't possibly keep.
And then he reaches in his coat pocket and pulls out a small container of heavy whipping cream. "Use this", he says.
Your wife tips me $5 to secretly give you decaf.
Every time someone orders an extra-hot-no-foam latte, an angel rapes a puppy.
"9/11 was an inside job." -- ...Right. So, room for cream then?