It's always awkward when I forget to wait until the customer is out of earshot before I say, "ugh."
Macchiatto and Cypress Hill. Because I'm a f*cking gangster and stuff.
If you walk into a cafe, take out your guitar and start playing it loudly. You are a crazy person. And everyone dislikes you.
Your wife tips me $5 to secretly give you decaf.
My rent is gonna be a few days late but I found this sweet pamphlet in the tip jar about how to find Jesus, so like, whatevz.
Dirty chai is the menthol cigarette of coffee.
Please write down your mother's phone number so I can call to tell her about your behavior here today.
Yay! Sweaty money!
To the lady who phones a friend to find out her coffee order…are you sure you want to use one of your life-lines on this?
I knew I'd made a wrong turn in life when I felt compelled to yell back, "It's not my job to tell you the f*cking water isn't filtered!"
If your name is not Jill, and you did not order a large vanilla latte, then this large vanilla latte for Jill is not yours.
Go frappe yourself.
That's not a macchiato and you should kill yourself.
Unless you showed up to the cafe in a horse-drawn carriage or a time machine, you can't pay for your coffee with a check.
The worst part about my boss not having the courage to fire me himself: I didn't get to yell, "No, YOU'RE fired!"
Peppermint-eggnog-latte? I don't know that I can, in good conscience, make that for someone to consume.
Spilled her entire drink and then just disappeared! She's like a ninja. A terrible, terrible ninja.
"This latte is beautiful, how did you get so good at this?" - Give up on life, become desperate for rent money, then wait five years.
A couple years back, my boss bought a cell-phone jammer on the internet. We used to keep it under the counter. That was a fun summer.
If your coffee order takes more than 20 seconds to say, you've forfeited your right to complain about the price.