Thanks for bringing in your dishes from home and asking me to do them for you! That's super cool, and doesn't make me feel bad at all.
"You know, at Starbucks they have a different kind of caramel." -- You know what else Starbucks should have? You.
Someone just asked if we offer a "nice guy" discount. I told him that we do offer a "nice guy" discount and then I charged him full price.
"I don't want the broken cookie," she said. So I looked her right in the eye, smiled, and broke every cookie one by one.
Yes, I have thought about carrying hemp milk. I've also thought about kicking a hippie in the shins. I'm definitely open to new ideas.
I'm super excited that you followed me outside on my smoke break. You're the best at picking up social cues.
If someone asks "for here or to go?", the answer is not "for here, but in a to-go cup". Because that is a f*cking obnoxious answer.
I get so excited when I see you outside of work because I don't have to ignore the fact that you usually don't treat me like a human being.
It was right around the time that you asked if flour contained gluten, that I realized you don't have a gluten allergy.
Do you really think that the person who decides the prices is the same person who is here at 6 am listening to you complain?
I don't know who did the art. I don't know how you can buy the art. And i mean really, is "art" even the right word to be using?
A tip is a voluntary payment for service. It is not a donation. It is not charity.
Customer: I HAVE OPINIONS TO SHARE WITH YOU
Me: *turns on coffee grinder*
A lady just bought a bagel for her dog. When I handed it to her, she frowned and asked where the cream cheese was.
"You'd have to wake up pretty early in the morning to sell me a cookie for $2.50" -- I was up at 3 am. That'll be $2.50.
"thank you, have a nice day" is retail-speak for, "I hate you, I hope you die in a fire".
Sometimes you're reasonable. And other times, you're a 42 year old woman yelling at me because I'm out of whipped cream for your mocha.
Were you trying to knock over everything on the condiment bar? Because you missed that last...wait, no, you got it.
I'm smiling, aren't I? I think that's enough of a Halloween costume.
There's nowhere to sit?! Well, I can kick someone out, whittle you a new chair, or you can grow the f*ck up. Whichever.