It's always awkward when I forget to wait until the customer is out of earshot before I say, "ugh."
I dunno why people try to beat me at the bad-mood game. Don't they know I do this for a living?
Instead of buying your kid rice-milk-hot-chocolate, just punch them in the back of the head & tell them life is full of disappointments.
I'm smiling, aren't I? I think that's enough of a Halloween costume.
My only goal for the month is to figure out how to pour a picture of a middle finger in latte art.
Please pour your coffee into the trash can so it can ruin my day later.
If you walk into a cafe, take out your guitar and start playing it loudly. You are a crazy person. And everyone dislikes you.
The four ladies who just showed up at the cafe for bible study are in for a treat! Ready to Die or 36 Chambers?? You pick.
Yes, I have thought about carrying hemp milk. I've also thought about kicking a hippie in the shins. I'm definitely open to new ideas.
One of my favorite ways to pass the time is convincing old ladies that their latte made with half-and-half is actually pronounced, "breev".
The cafe is kid-friendly, meaning that we won't strangle or throw things at them. It doesn't mean you get to stop being a parent.
There is nothing in this world that I care less about than where you hang that poster.
Don't cry over spilled milk? I'm not crying about the milk! Do you see where I work?!
You know you're a cocky barista when you get offended if people put sugar in the coffee you just made.
"Refill the honey" is just about the meanest thing you can say to a person.
I really hope this coffee career takes off so I can finally stop making music.
"I don't want the broken cookie," she said. So I looked her right in the eye, smiled, and broke every cookie one by one.
I thought about telling the customer that she had cream cheese all over her face when she left... But she'll figure it out
A 20-oz glass of cold milk? Sure. No, I don't think you're a serial killer. Why do you ask?
The sixth refill isn't free.