What a coincidence! You have a gluten allergy, and I don't care that you have a gluten allergy!
Whatever drink you order will be announced loudly to a cafe full of people, probably multiple times. Choose wisely.
So, you're telling me the only two options you can think of are to dump your full coffee mug into the trash, or upside down in the bus tub?
Macchiatto and Cypress Hill. Because I'm a f*cking gangster and stuff.
"I want that latte extra, extra hot. Much hotter than last time." -- *steams milk until it is fire*
"How big is an 8 oz cup?" -- and then my brain started leaking out of my ear.
"are you sure this is 1%? It tastes like 2%" was the last thing she said before I started throwing stuff at her face.
Ugh, I just want to treat you terribly and have you still be nice to me. I don't understand where the confusion comes from.
If only there was some kind of sign I could hang in the window to tell you that we're closed...
This is all a performance piece.
I put a macchiato down on the bar and called it out. A customer walks up, drinks it in one gulp, and then says, "I ordered a mocha".
I'm not saying that I hope Anne Coulter gets hit by a bus... I'm just saying, if it happens, drinks are on me.
My ex-boss thinks the website is gonna stop because I don't work there anymore. Man, I didn't even work there when I worked there!
"I don't feel like you're really listening to my complaint" -- I thought I was making that pretty clear.
A guy on a first date just ordered a large steamed milk and I can't figure out a discreet way to warn her that he's probably a serial killer.
It's totally fine if you're short a couple dollars. These prices are really just suggestions.
extra shot: 50 cents
flavor: 35 cents
spiting your sense of entitlement: priceless
You're giving me fancy chocolate instead of a tip? Okay, lemme just make a call and see if my weed dealer is cool with candy as currency.
I'm not upset that your kid is crying. I'm just upset that I'm not young enough to get away with doing it too.
"Can I have the heaviest cinnamon roll?"