"Don't spend it all in one place" is one of those classic jokes that never gets old. It still makes me want to cry every time.
No, ma'am, I will not put 4 splenda in your 20 oz breve mocha, because that is f*cking stupid.
"I'd like a coffee." - so would, literally, everyone else in line. So, let's speed up this process with a few specifics, eh?
I mean, at some point it makes sense for me to just give you the bottle of vanilla with a straw.
"You're out of sugar..." -- No, you're out of sugar.
"The coffee shop that used to be here had chocolate whip cream" -- Oh yeah? How'd that work out for them?
Someone just said I should be "ashamed" that my boss raised prices. If I had any shame I wouldn't be working this f*cking job.
I would remember your usual drink if you were a more memorable person.
Lady with a 4-year old asked me to turn off A$AP because of the language. So I was all, "no, it's not my fault your kid is a f*cking nerd."
It's 9 am and we just ran out of vanilla, so I'm preparing for a full day of white-lady-rage.
It's almost like all these idiots don't realize how f*cking charming I am.
From a fellow Bitter Barista http://t.co/UR1INlgj
If you know what puro-caff smells like, you're probably also pretty familiar with depression.
"At the staff meeting tonight we'll be going over the new rules, which are mandatory for all employees except for the ones we like."
Oh, you want THAT blueberry scone, not THIS blueberry scone? Well, don't worry, that doesn't make me hate you at all.
My boss won't let me put a giant neon arrow over the tip jar. He says it'd be tacky. But you should just imagine it's there anyways.
Instead of being mad at me for charging full price, you should thank my co-worker for giving you a deal on your 3 shot soy vanilla latte.
This is an espresso machine, not a cash register. Get back in line.
Me: Hi, how are you?
Her: Oh my god. Do you even sell blended drinks?!
I'm super excited that you followed me outside on my smoke break. You're the best at picking up social cues.