Lady with a 4-year old asked me to turn off A$AP because of the language. So I was all, "no, it's not my fault your kid is a f*cking nerd."
My boss bought a case of coffee filters that are a little too big, so the next few months of my life are pretty much ruined.
I have a strange relationship with customers. I resent them, but I appreciate that they maintain the illusion that my life has some purpose.
"I'll have my mocha" -- it's not yours yet, and unless you're wearing a crown, that's a completely inappropriate way to order.
It's 5:30 in the morning. What exactly did you expect out of this interaction?
The wifi password is "espresso." If you can't spell that, or find the correct spelling somewhere in the store, you aren't allowed online.
"Can you break a hundred dollar bill?" is code for, "don't expect a tip."
It's soy milk. It tastes like soy milk, looks like soy milk and comes in a box labeled 'soy milk'. That's all the information I have.
This is all a performance piece.
Soy milk containers: carefully engineered to ensure that no more than half the milk ends up in the pitcher. Brilliant.
The cafe is kid-friendly, meaning that we won't strangle or throw things at them. It doesn't mean you get to stop being a parent.
I asked if you wanted Hershey's or Mexican chocolate in your mocha and you said "regular", so you're at least a little bit racist.
I don't know who did the art. I don't know how you can buy the art. And i mean really, is "art" even the right word to be using?
"thank you, have a nice day" is retail-speak for, "I hate you, I hope you die in a fire".
"I'd like to speak with whoever is in charge here." -- so would I.
If I wanted to make you a no foam, 175 degree, hazelnut latte, I would go work as a gas station "cappuccino" machine.
I'm not even supposed to be here today!
We charge double for any drink named after a candy bar. Just consider it a tax on awful people.
If someone asks "for here or to go?", the answer is not "for here, but in a to-go cup". Because that is a f*cking obnoxious answer.
So, you're telling me the only two options you can think of are to dump your full coffee mug into the trash, or upside down in the bus tub?