Don't let this espresso machine fool you... I have no interest in talking about coffee, your trip to Ethiopia, or roasting techniques.
But WHY should I smile more?
Don't say "keep the change". For any amount, really.
You can say "2% milk" all damn day. You're getting whole milk.
"The sign says that the juice is fresh squeezed, and I didn't see you juicing any oranges back there after I ordered."
If it's okay with you, I'll take the order of the person in front of you first. Since, you know, that's how lines work and stuff.
Extra hot, no foam? And paying in change? You're off the team, buddy.
If you've ever said "it's for here, but I'd like it in a paper cup", then you and I will probably not ever be friends.
"I don't want to give you my name because then you'll sign me up for a corporate mailing list. Does this tin-foil hat make me look crazy?"
Good coffee is never bitter. But a good barista always is.
Me: Hi, how are you?
Her: Oh my god. Do you even sell blended drinks?!
We are friendly, but we are not friends. Friends don't stop talking to each other just because today's scone was a little stale.
"Could I buy a gallon of milk?"
Thanks for bringing in your dishes from home and asking me to do them for you! That's super cool, and doesn't make me feel bad at all.
Holy f*ck. This lady just ordered a "big cup of chino", without a hint of irony.
My next coffee table book will be a collection of the various ways old white men pronounce "cafe au lait".
It was right around the time that you asked if flour contained gluten, that I realized you don't have a gluten allergy.
"You're out of stir-sticks and I don't want to use a spoon..."
Is this a Discover Card? What the f*ck am I supposed to do with this?
Every time someone orders an extra-hot-no-foam latte, an angel rapes a puppy.