all content copyright bitterbarista 2013
"At the staff meeting tonight we'll be going over the new rules, which are mandatory for all employees except for the ones we like."
I love my coworkers. We support each other and there isn't anything– WHO THE F*CK LEFT CRUMBS IN THE DISH WATER? WHY ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?
"One of these days you'll remember my drink..." -- Pop quiz: what's my name?
"I don't feel like you're really listening to my complaint" -- I thought I was making that pretty clear.
If I'm only getting paid minimum wage to be your therapist, then I don't plan on giving you very good advice.
"I didn't want this iced. And my name is John, not Susan."
I just convinced a lady not to buy the last chocolate croissant because my 6-year old wanted it for his birthday. Also, I don't have kids.
The third time she tried to correct my coffee-making technique, I poured out her latte and handed her a job application.
Sir, we have five trashcans around the cafe. I am not one of them.
Can't find a seat at the cafe? Stand in the middle of the room and loudly announce, "there is a black prius outside and it's being towed". You're welcome.
Someone just asked if we offer a "nice guy" discount. I told him that we do offer a "nice guy" discount and then I charged him full price.
I'm not upset that your kid is crying. I'm just upset that I'm not young enough to get away with doing it too.