A tip is a voluntary payment for service. It is not a donation. It is not charity.
I don't know who did the art. I don't know how you can buy the art. And i mean really, is "art" even the right word to be using?
Instead of buying your kid rice-milk-hot-chocolate, just punch them in the back of the head & tell them life is full of disappointments.
The coffee is free, you're just paying me to feign interest in you.
A 20-oz glass of cold milk? Sure. No, I don't think you're a serial killer. Why do you ask?
A woman ordered a blended cappuccino today. I gave her exactly what she ordered.
I'll remember your usual drink order when you start remembering my name.
Here's my phone number… that way you can actually be talking to me when you're on your phone while ordering.
"I want that latte extra, extra hot. Much hotter than last time." -- *steams milk until it is fire*
Please pour your coffee into the trash can so it can ruin my day later.
I'm super excited that you followed me outside on my smoke break. You're the best at picking up social cues.
If you're wearing neon plastic sunglasses in the pouring rain, and you're not blind, I hope you walk into traffic.
Espresso comes in pairs. Order 1, get 2. Order 3, get 4. Order 5, get the f*ck outta here.
"Make sure that shot is ristretto. I hate bitter espresso, it ruins my day." — You have a lot of complaints about a drink I haven't made yet
"Can I have the heaviest cinnamon roll?"
When the two most annoying customers in the cafe find each other, all is right in the universe.
Please write down your mother's phone number so I can call to tell her about your behavior here today.
A lady just bought a bagel for her dog. When I handed it to her, she frowned and asked where the cream cheese was.
There's nowhere to sit?! Well, I can kick someone out, whittle you a new chair, or you can grow the f*ck up. Whichever.
Instead of being mad at me for charging full price, you should thank my co-worker for giving you a deal on your 3 shot soy vanilla latte.