"What sizes do you have?" is customer-speak for, "Do you have anything that's like twice as big as my head?"
I'm super excited that you followed me outside on my smoke break. You're the best at picking up social cues.
"TGIF, right?" -- I work tomorrow. But if that means I won't have to see you again until Monday, then f*ck yeah!
Don't cry over spilled milk? I'm not crying about the milk! Do you see where I work?!
I am 100% sure that isn't a service dog because you are carrying it in your purse.
I'm not even supposed to be here today!
I'm smiling, aren't I? I think that's enough of a Halloween costume.
My most poetic moments are the lies I have to tell to convince myself that it's worth it to get out of bed at 5 am for all of this.
When the homie comes in for coffee 3 minutes before you close and you're like nah it's cool but really you're not friends anymore.
Go frappe yourself.
It's a good thing everyone else in the cafe wants to hear that youtube video you're watching, otherwise you'd look like a total sociopath.
My boss decided to buy a blender for the cafe, so I decided to not work there anymore.
It's called a scone. A sconce, on the other hand, is a wall-mounted light fixture.
"Decaf latte in the window... Decaf latte in the window... Decaf latte in the window... Free decaf latte in the window."
My boss watches the cameras at the cafe. But he'd save time if he just followed my twitter to see that I'm not working.
That's not a macchiato and you should kill yourself.
You really start to question your life choices when every shower you take smells like you're brewing coffee.
This is an espresso machine, not a cash register. Get back in line.
If you've ever said "I'd like a large caramel macchiato", you're probably super lame.
Make sure to tell your barista that she's cute because everyone loves to feel uncomfortable at 7 in the morning.