I'm so glad you knitted that sweater for your dog. Now there are two of us who resent being here right now.
It was right around the time that you asked if flour contained gluten, that I realized you don't have a gluten allergy.
"TGIF, right?" -- I work tomorrow. But if that means I won't have to see you again until Monday, then f*ck yeah!
Yeah, that kilt is super hip.
Your happiness and self-confidence are infuriating.
I just watched a 45-year old construction worker order a pumpkin spice latte, take one sip and instantly turn into a white lady in yoga pants. This stuff really is magical.
This is all a performance piece.
What my boss doesn't understand is that, while my attitude makes for some terrible customer service, it makes for some great internet.
Dirty chai is the menthol cigarette of coffee.
Peppermint-eggnog-latte? I don't know that I can, in good conscience, make that for someone to consume.
This guy at the cafe just started quoting verses from the bible....I panicked and started quoting verses from 36 Chambers.
Customer just lectured me about going back to school so I could "start my career". I did not react positively.
"Refill the honey" is just about the meanest thing you can say to a person.
You really start to question your life choices when every shower you take smells like you're brewing coffee.
I get so excited when I see you outside of work because I don't have to ignore the fact that you usually don't treat me like a human being.
"I'll have my mocha" -- it's not yours yet, and unless you're wearing a crown, that's a completely inappropriate way to order.
"You know, at Starbucks they have a different kind of caramel." -- You know what else Starbucks should have? You.
There is no reason, joke or not, that you should touch my tip jar... Unless your doctor prescribed you a foot to the face.
If you order your coffee using baby-talk....even if you're "so sweeeeeepy"... I will hate you and tell you to leave.
We're both on the same team... You want your coffee quickly, and I want you to leave as soon as possible.