all content copyright bitterbarista 2013
WHY ARE THERE SHOE PRINTS ON THE TOILET SEAT?!
Here's the deal... I won't expect you to know the italian names for drinks, if you won't expect me to know the candy bar names for drinks.
There is nothing in this world that I care less about than where you hang that poster.
"I don't want to give you my name because then you'll sign me up for a corporate mailing list. Does this tin-foil hat make me look crazy?"
I'll turn down the music when you ladies turn down your goddamned knitting circle.
If you're old enough to buy coffee then you're old enough to hear the word "f*ck" in a song without it ruining your entire day.
My rent is gonna be a few days late but I found this sweet pamphlet in the tip jar about how to find Jesus, so like, whatevz.
I'm smiling, aren't I? I think that's enough of a Halloween costume.
"I meant to ask for this to be iced." -- Well, i meant to go to grad school and do something fulfilling with my life. So...Oops, i guess?
I just watched a 45-year old construction worker order a pumpkin spice latte, take one sip and instantly turn into a white lady in yoga pants. This stuff really is magical.
"I've literally been waiting 20 minutes for my drink." -- No, you haven't. And you apparently don't understand how time or language works.
I've never been committed to a mental hospital, but i have sat at a table in a Safeway Starbucks.